Teenage Behavior: What’s Normal and When to Be Concerned
Being a teenager is hard. During adolescence, teens experience rapid psychological, social, physical, and emotional development. This developmental period can begin as early as age 10 and extend well into a person’s 20s. The teenage years are times of great excitement and upheaval simultaneously. By nature, being a teenager lends itself to instability. Mood swings, engaging in risky behaviors, and asserting independence whenever possible are so normal and expected that they are the plot of any coming-of-age movie. However, it can be difficult to know when your teen’s behavior is healthy and when they may instead be experiencing difficulties with their mental health that may need to be addressed by a mental health provider. This guide will help you understand the differences between normal and abnormal teenage behavior and provide tips for seeking assistance and resources if you feel that mental health support is needed.
Understanding Normal Teenage Behavior
Being a teenager is a process of becoming. It can seem as though your child went to bed one night and woke up a moody, withdrawn teenager the next morning. Emerging into adolescence is a little bit like turning all the lights on in your house at the same time and the only lights you have in the house are flood lights. Teens are suddenly aware of themselves and others in a new way and this can contribute to stress and uncertainty in the best of situations. Some ways of navigating these changes are healthier than others. Let’s discuss what you can expect as normal responses to adolescence in further detail:
Emotional Changes and Mood Swings. Teenagers are experiencing rapid hormonal changes that can contribute to sudden, overwhelming emotional changes. Think of this as the emotional equivalent of being asked to fly a 747 jet when you have previously only made a paper airplane. Scary, right? Since many of these emotional experiences are completely new or more intense than previously experienced, your teen might lash out occasionally. Being short, snarky, or flippant is a hallmark of normal teenage behavior and not necessarily a cause for concern. In fact, if you find that your teenager is never irritated or reaching their limit, you may have a problem on your hands.
Desire for Independence. Adolescence is the time for teens to develop their own unique identities separate from their parents and other family members. This can be painful for parents but try to remember that this developmental period is meant to help your teen grow into an independent adult. Teenagers need to be able to pull away from their families and assert their new independence to move toward adulthood. This may look like your teenager wanting to earn their own money, spend more time with friends than family, or express their personality in unique ways. To facilitate healthy separation from the family, nature invented something wonderful: friends. All healthy, normal teenagers worry more about what their peers think than what their parents think at one time or another. It can be difficult to not feel hurt or worried by a teen’s sudden lack of an interest in their parents or siblings, but this is usually a totally normal and healthy part of growing up.
Experimentation and Risk Taking. Teenagers are not known for being good at long range planning or regulating their own impulsivity. This is due to lack of development in the areas of the brain that make us exercise caution. Couple this with a teenager’s focus on developing their unique identity and you have a recipe for experimentation and risk taking. In its healthy form, this can look like trying out new personal styles, becoming interested in (and fiercely protective of) new music, and engaging in new activities. Your teen may suddenly hate going to basketball when it used to be their favorite thing in the world. They may become interested in baking even though you’ve never seen them so much as glance at a measuring cup before. They might drop or switch up activities and friend groups as they try on different aspects of their evolving identity. While teens should be encouraged to follow through on their commitments, a certain degree of change and flexibility is normal and healthy during this time of life. Supporting your teen as they make changes and encouraging them to think through ways to take healthy, productive risks can facilitate a personal growth and development.
Changing Sleep Patterns. The image of a teenager who is still asleep at noon is so common that it is basically a cliché. While society often likes to paint teenagers as lazy, different sleep patterns for teenagers is rooted in differences in the teenage brain and biology. Teenagers have what is known as a delayed sleep phase. During adolescence, the circadian rhythm changes in such a way that makes teens fall asleep and wake up later. Most teens will probably find it difficult to go to bed before midnight because their brains and bodies simply are not tired until about that time each night. Teens need more sleep than adults (between 8 and 10 hours) but often do not get enough sleep during the week. This leads to sleep debt that your teenager’s body will make up for as soon as it can. Ergo, going to sleep late and sleeping until the early afternoon on the weekends are normal sleep patterns for teenagers and not cause for concern.
Red Flags for Abnormal Behavior
Even with perfectly healthy behaviors, the teenage years are tumultuous. It can be difficult to discern the difference between garden variety adolescent behavior and things that may be more problematic and require additional support. The following is a non-exhaustive list of some things to be on the lookout for. If you notice one or more of these in your teenager, it may be helpful to seek expert guidance from a qualified mental health professional for further information.
Prolonged or Intense Mood Disturbances. All teenagers experience big emotions (remember the normal moodiness?). However, there is a difference between being emotional and occasionally overwhelmed and being unable to regulate emotions in a healthy way. If you notice that your teen gets stuck with their sadness, anger, anxiety, heartbreak or other emotions for days or weeks at a time, this may suggest that your teen is struggling with depression, anxiety, or emotional regulation. Similarly, emotions that are more intense than they should be or that feel disproportionate to the inciting incident may be cause for concern. If your teen is becoming enraged at minor inconveniences, breaking down into tears over simple disagreements, or becoming so nervous that they are avoiding situations altogether, they may be struggling and in need of assistance.
Social Withdrawal. Teenagers are social creatures. Even the most introverted of teenagers needs a community of like-minded peers. While how much we socialize is largely a personal preference and is different for everyone, total social isolation is not healthy and is a sign that something more serious is holding your teen back from developing healthy relationships. If you notice that your teen refuses to engage in group activities, has difficulty speaking in class, or has online friends but struggles to connect with peers in real life, it may be time to consult with a professional for help. Additionally, any sudden social withdrawal in a teenager that was previously outgoing is an immediate red flag and should be addressed promptly. This can be indicative of trauma, severe depression, or suicidal ideation that needs treatment to resolve.
Sudden, Drastic Changes in Behavior or Personality. Even when parents and teenagers have a great relationship with one another, teens rarely tell their parents everything that is going on in their lives. Teens want to assert their independence by determining when and how they discuss their experiences and struggles. Just because teens may not be talking to you like they used to does not mean that they are not communicating. Teens may communicate that something is wrong by suddenly making changes in what they do or how they act. Changes that are concerning may feel like they’re coming out of the blue and make little sense in the context of your teen’s history. It can be difficult to tell if these types of changes are normal or suggestive of bigger problems, so if something feels off to you, it is worth further exploring.
Declines in Academic Performance. Academics both become more difficult and more important in middle and high school. Teens are learning how to complete increasingly complex and independent work and to work collaboratively in groups. Some small fluctuations in academic performance are normal and expected, even in teens who have previously been straight A students. Grades that either abruptly worsen or steadily decline, however, are cause for concern. There are a variety of problems that can contribute to declines in academic performance that should be assessed by a professional and treated if needed so that your teens can return to their normal level of functioning.
Self-Harm and Suicidal Ideation. Cutting, burning, and otherwise causing harm to oneself is a common occurrence in adolescence. Many teens lack the healthy emotional regulation skills needed to manage the overwhelming experience that is adolescence, and self-harm can be an attempt to cope. Although self-harm is not always dangerous per se, it is indicative of mental health difficulties and the need to develop a coping skills toolkit with alternative options that do not include self-harm. Suicidal ideation or expressing a desire to die should always be taken seriously and not brushed off as dramatic teenage behavior. While some suicidal thoughts are passive and less dangerous, only a qualified and trained mental health provider can adequately assess for imminent danger and provide care to treat suicidal ideation and manage risk effectively. While suicidal ideation is not always present with self-harming behaviors, they can co-occur and potentially make both conditions worse and more dangerous. If your teenager engages in self-harm or expresses suicidal thoughts, please seek treatment immediately.
Substance Abuse. Although it is not encouraged, some degree of social drug and alcohol use can be normal during adolescence. While “just say no” approaches to adolescent drug use have been found to be ineffective and overdose rates are increasing among teenagers, it can be difficult to know how to approach adolescent drug and alcohol use. The good news is that psychology and youth interventions have come a long way in intervening effectively with teenagers who struggle with substance abuse. It can be difficult to determine your teen’s actual substance use behaviors and know if it’s a concern. Since the threat of addiction and even death is so high, it is recommended that you seek evaluation and treatment for your teen if you suspect that they are using substances.
Aggressive or Violent Behavior. Anger is a powerful and overwhelming sensation even for adults who have learned to regulate their emotions. Many teens struggle to manage their emotions in healthy ways and some of that struggle is a normal part of learning to regulate responses. Abuse, violence, and aggression, however, is a red flag that may require further support. Hitting oneself, getting into fights, punching walls, and threatening violence against others is cause for concern. If your teen is lashing out or making threats, they may need assistance to learn healthy ways of managing their emotions or addressing underlying problems that may be contributing to excessive anger.
Delusions, Paranoia, or Hallucinations. Mental illnesses such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and schizoaffective disorder often develop and present themselves during the teenage years. These disorders are complex and can have serious negative impacts on quality of life and functionality for those who struggle with them. Early and effective treatment may help teens better understand and cope with their illness. If your teenager experiences delusions, expresses paranoid beliefs, or sees and hears things that are not there, it is vital that they be treated by a mental health provider as soon as possible. Early intervention may lead to better outcomes now and in the future, so do not delay in seeking care if this something that your teenager experiences.
When to Seek Help
All behaviors exist on a spectrum, and it can be difficult for parents to know when to seek help for their teen even if they have a list of red flags in front of them. If you have a sneaking suspicion that something is off or have a gut feeling that something isn’t right, it is worth it to seek the opinion of a therapist. Listening to your parental intuition can mean the difference between your teen getting the support they need and suffering in silence. Not all teenagers require long term treatment, but even brief psychotherapy can help teens gain the skills and perspective needed to thrive in their lives. Even if your teen does not display any of the red flags in this article, all teens can benefit from a nonjudgemental, caring adult to help them through a difficult and exciting time in their lives. If you think your teenager may benefit from therapy, schedule a free 20 minute consultation with an expert therapist today.
Adolescence is tough for both teenagers and the adults in their life who care for them. Life with a teenager who is struggling can feel like a roller coaster that you can’t get off. Seeking additional support for your teenager can alleviate some of the stress within your home and make everyone’s lives a bit easier. Seeking help from a trusted, specialized professional who knows how to address the unique needs of teens when you’re unsure of how to move forward with your teen can be a difficult decision, but reaching out for help can make all the difference. With the appropriate support, most teens will grow into healthy and resilient adults. Receiving care during this foundational time can mean the difference between prolonged mental health difficulties in adulthood and launching successfully into a life that feels authentic, enjoyable, and free from the weight of mental health difficulties.
